Saturday, August 1, 2009

Day 29

The love of my life has left for Kansas. I know he must go back there. So many people are relying on him. I can't hold him here.

It has only been a few hours but it already feels like a few days. As we were packing the van up with all his tools and stuff I was trying to be brave. I thought it would be better for him. I thought I needed to be the brave soldier. I just kept thinking, "I won't be seeing the love of my life for 27 more days." OUCH! My heart feels pricked.

Right as he was pulling out of the driveway I remembered he had still not received a blessing for himself since this whole ordeal started. He was going to have one last Monday but so many things going on with Nicole that time got away from us. I asked him to go next door to see if our neighbor was home. He said, "No, I want Rich (his brother-in-law) to give me one." We called around and found him. He was at a family reunion actually not far from where we were. He graciously agreed to meet up with us. He is awesome and we have great respect for him. John received a blessing for which he was truly grateful for. It gave him great peace.

What do people do who do not have Christ in their lives. I know I would not have the strength to go through this challenge each day without the knowledge of the living Christ. He is my Savior. He is my strength. He buoys me up in times of sorrow and He walks with me in times of strength. He is my light. He is everything in my life.

Tomorrow is John and my 25th wedding anniversary. We have never been apart one time for our anniversary. It will be a tough day. It already is just knowing I will not wake up to him whispering in my ear, "Happy Anniversary, Lover". We had an early anniversary present in May. John took me to Alaska. I guess John was inspired to use our points to go on a cruise. What a great time we had.

Please say an extra prayer for him to travel safely to Kansas. He is driving by himself. Also pray for his continued comfort, especially while we are apart.

Sweet Nicole is resting right now. She had a big day with physical therapy. They got her fingers of her left arm to touch her head. It was painful but something that needs to happen. The nurses all say she is so accommodating. When they are busy and she needs something she mouths for them to take care of others and come back later. If she toots and someone is in the room she mouths excuse me. The nurses want her to toot because it means her bowels are working. They just smile and tell her its okay.

Nicole is being transfused again today. The infections she is fighting is not responding to the 3 antibiotics they have had her on for 2 days so today they put her on two different ones. I hope to see some difference tomorrow. Fighting infections are taxing on the body.

Nicole was slated to have surgery on Monday but now she has been moved to Thursday. During her "tank" time, the doctor looked at her donor sights and they are still not ready. On a sight that usually takes, at the most, three weeks to be ready again, her donor sights are taking longer. This sight they want is her back. It has been 26 days. We are praying her cells will get a boost of healing power so she will be ready.

My niece Tiffany called tonight to see how things were going. I gave her the scoop. She commented to me that she thought by now things should be a lot better. I was thinking that too. I think here we are at 29 days. Why CAN'T things be better? Why can't they? They can't because it is not time for them to be. Yes, it has been 29 days but 29 days in the burn world is not really very long. Especially with someone burned as extently and severely as Nicole is. Each thing that a burn patient deals with is nothing like what we deal with. A simple bladder infection can turn deadly where we are just uncomfortable for a few days.

I wish things were different. I wish I had talked to her longer on July 3rd. I wish I had not been impatient with her that day. I wish she could have a clear mind, one that is quick and knows many things. I wish I could take away her pain. I wish for her a better life. I wish I could change the future for her. I hope she has a future.

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