John and I left Wichita last night at 11pm. We were loaded to the gills. I needed several things from Wichita besides the usual things we bring each month. It is a 16 hour drive. We had a lot of things to talk about and get ironed out regarding our current situation. We used the time wisely.
At one point John was sleeping. I had many thoughts start flooding my mind. I wished I had a recorder to just talk into. Instead I fished my notebook out of my backpack and wrote a few short notes so I would remember. I guess I drifted a little, John woke up. He became my scribe. It was just like having a recorder only slower. Thanks John for staying up for over 2 hours writing my thoughts down. Not only that, when i was done he took over driving even though he only had 2 hours sleep.
We arrived in Lehi early afternoon. We unloaded the van, saw a few patients, went to Del Taco and then drove to the burn unit. I had been chomping at the bit all afternoon to get back up there to see Nicole. I am sure they were getting sick of me because I had called several times to get updates.
The biggest update was Nicole did not have surgery today. The doctor says she is not stable enough to have surgery again until maybe Thursday. One of the hardest things about this is one minute she is good, her vitals are stable and the next minute she is not. I don't get it.
This is why they call it the wait and see game. We'll wait and see how her blood pressure is. We'll wait and see how she tolerates this or that. We'll wait and see how the graphs take. I guess we will wait as long as we have to.
Today is the first day in 15 days that John has seen Nicole in person. He talks to her through the phone each day but to see him today right there with her was priceless. Of course he greets her with the usual..Nikki Nikki Timbo no so Rimbo. Nicole wiggled her forehead but didn't open her eyes. He talked to her gently right near her ear. She peeked open her eyes for just a second. Yes! John saw her eyes.
When John was finished I needed to be close to her again. I moved in with precision. Knowing just how to move the machines so as not to make her uncomfortable. I slide in and take up my position. I can reach her head with my lips and I can lay my head next to hers. I love this. I love laying close to her. To feel her warmth. I just want to breath her in.
I sing, "You are my Sunshine" and imagine her singing it with me.
Tonight her nurse is named Jesse. Big Jesse actually (even though he is shorter than me). He updated us thoroughly and took care of her while we were there. Nicole actually was off the vent a few more hours today. That is good news. I just love the nurses here.
Another life holding in the balance on the unit tonight. It is hard to see others suffering, not knowing if and when they will be able to take their loved one home. That is one of the best parts of having the gospel in my life. I don't have to wonder if I will get to take Nicole home. If I don't, God will. And if that happens I still get to be with her in the end. What better thing to have happen.