Day 14

Two weeks. Feels like 2 months. So much time, so little progress.

When I came in today her face looks so much better. It is healing quite nicely. I wish the rest of her was doing as well.

Nicole's fever is down some today from 103.5 to 102. The antibiotics are doing their job. Since starting the insulin drip yesterday her blood sugars are finally coming down. They are reading almost normal. Nicole is off the sedation today but because of her fevers she is weakened and is sleeping. Sleep is the best medicine. When I stand at her bedside and call out her name there is no response. Not even an eye flutter.

I tried to catch up emails today as well as other things. I feel like I should be able to get more accomplished each day but I fall short. It is a good thing there is always tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow...I am seeing Nicole in the morning and then I am flying out to KS to meet up with John. We are driving back together on Sunday. It will be so good to see him and catch up. We have a lot of things to go over and with a 16 hour drive we should be able to get some things accomplished. I will post tomorrow an update before I go but more then likely there will be not post on Sunday.

The dentist finally came today to x-ray Nicole's front tooth that was knocked loose. Diagnosis....The tooth needs to be removed. So I am thinking in surgery on Monday they will extract it. NOOOO....They did it right there, bedside. TODAY! I held her hand and rubbed her head even though she didn't know what was going on. It was more for me than her I am sure. The dentist (a girl) asked if I wanted her tooth. Should it even be a question? I have all her teeth that have come out. This one will be put with the others. I wonder what the tooth fairy should bring. Something special because it had to be pulled instead of coming out on its own. Think....Think....Think....

Tomorrow they will take her to the tubby room. They actually give patients tubby's. Not really in a tub but they put them on a special table. The bandages come off and they carefully cleanse all the wounds with real water running over her and real liquid soap. I choose for her to have passion raspberry with the same for her shampoo. She will smell so good. Even if she doesn't really know what is going on I will and I know she likes to feel clean.

It is crazy all the emotions a person goes through. Shock, fear, sadness, anger, denial, frustration, sadness and more. We even feel those emotions more than once. Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions.

Wake up, say my prayer, get dressed, fix my shake, get ready, drive to the hospital, get an update, gown up, stand by Nicole's beside and talk to her, sit down and read, catch up on emails, blog, write letters, talk to her some more, eat lunch, take a walk, look at facebook (and be mad because my page still isn't up) talk to the clinic in KS, study, talk some more, go home, say my prayer and go to bed. And while this is all going on I want every update, know everything they are giving her and why, look at all the stat numbers and follow her progress. I suction her, clean her trach, brush her teeth, swab her mouth, put aquaphor on her lips, rub her toes and head.

Same thing, different day, nothing ever changes. Sometimes I feel like a robot. I don't have time to really process it all. There is too much work to be done.

It is getting to be RANCH TIME! Ranch time is an every other year event. A big family reunion in Antimony, UT at the Rockin' R Ranch. The reunion is something our family looks so foreword to each two years. There is some 150 to 200 people that come. Playing with cousins, eating snow cones and cotton candy, riding horses, watching skits, lawn games, singing by the fire. Who could ask for more than that. Our Carlston family is in charge of the festivities this year. Nicole has never missed a year. She has a cousin also named Nicole. Each year we take a picture of the two together for them and also to see how each has changed. I will miss her this year.

Today is the day Christian is moving into our Lehi home. He choose to move in so our home does not look like someone doesn't live there. Also to help me out if Nicole comes home. So thoughtful. I love him. He is a gift from God. So level headed. A calming influence. I pray for him each day to help him understand why? To be comforted. Please pray for him.

When John was going to Chiropractic school Christian took over as "man of the house". John was gone many hours a day for school studying and clinic. Christian helped Nicole with her homework, walked her home from school, helped her with her chores, etc. He watched out for me also. One day John went into clinic on a Saturday. He kissed me good-bye and was off for the day. A while later I realized I was ill. i couldn't get out of bed. Chills, vomiting, achy. I had the flu. Christian took right over. Made breakfast for Nicole and himself. He got her doing her chores as well as himself. He had a big day planned to go fishing but he wouldn't leave me to do that, "What if I needed him" he said. Lunch was next. I just didn't get any better. I was getting dehydrated. The more water or broth he brought for me to drink the more I would throw-up. He had an idea. He would go to Albertsons and talk to the pharmacist. He got on his bike and rode the 2 miles. Christian explained the situation to the pharmacist who told him what to get me. He came home with Emetrol. It is a minty tasting liquid you take every 30 minutes for like 2 hours or until you are feeling better. In he came with a big spoon and a timer. He was determined to get me well. The stuff worked. With in a few doses I was feeling better but not enough to get out of bed. He ordered Pizza form our favorite place, Joe's. After dinner he told Nicole to get ready for bed and preceded to make them a bed in the living room for Saturday night movies. John came home very late. Christian was still holding vigil. When John came in Christian ran to him and said "I don't want to be the dad anymore". So cute.