Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Day 12

I didn't want to leave last night. I was here until 1am. I was torn and anxious. Yesterday evening was kind of hard. It took quite a while to get her settled down. Another night of not much sleep. I got up at 6:30 and came to the hospital.

Nicole's day today has been quite the adventure. It started out with regular dressing changes followed but in bed physical therapy. She had her eyes open for some of that and did raise her own legs twice. So good.

John called to have his daily talk with her. He starts out with Nikki Nikki Timbo...Her eye brow raise with some recognition. As he speaks to her in soft gentle tones she nods her head at the things he is telling her. John is having a tough time right now. We have never been away from each other for so many days. And to top it off his baby girl is struggling to hang on and he is not here.

Nicole started running a fever today, 102.5. High for a burn patient. Her blood sugar levels are in the 300's, they give her more insulin. The nurse took her off the vent so she could do some breathing on her own. It was fine for abut 45 minutes, then her heart started racing, around 170 bpm. Her blood pressure sky rocketed and her respiration's where between 50-60 a minute. She was very combative. I can only keep it all together for so long before I have a melt down. What more could happen. She lost her central line. The doctor had to move it to her neck.

The room came to life with an army of people. Respiratory, Doctors, Nurses, Aide, Social Worker, Intern. The room is only so big.

I called Christian and he came to the hospital. He is a calming influence over me. By the time the doctor has her new central line in I am calm enough to go in the room. I gown up and christian does too along with his girlfriend, C. Christian hasn't seen Nicole since the swelling has gone down in her face. HE LOST IT. He had to leave the room. When I went to find him he said, "It is too hard to look at her now. It was easier last week when she was so swollen because it didn't look like her and I could look at her but not see her." Oh sad!

We calmed down in the hall and tried again. I go straight to her bedside. Christian inches his way in with the help of his girlfriend. Inch by inch until he is next to the bed. Nicole's eyes are open so I tell her Christian is there. She moves her eyes toward him but gets a puzzled look on her face. I ask if she recognizes him and she shakes her had no. No holding back the tears again. Struggling for composure, the words don't come. What can you say to that. I hope it is the medication and it is just playing tricks on her mind. The sweet, gentle giant leaves the room.

She mouths the words, I want to go home. When I tell her she is too sick to go home she mouths back, You told me I could go home. I feel sick to my stomach. I did tell her that. I want her out of pain. I want her to be able to rest well. I want her.

8 comments:

Stephanie Headley said...

God bless you! I cannot imagine how rough this must be on you Angi! You are a trooper. Still hoping that all the prayers out there will give you strength! You all are in our thoughts often! Prayers and Hugs!

Sandra McMillin said...

Angi my heart is so heavy when I read your daily posts, I can not imagine going through all you have been through and watching my child in so much pain. You are an inspiration to all of us. Prayers, big hugs, and kisses coming your way ~ Sandra

Grammy of 7 said...

Oh, Angie.
I've been trying so hard to hold it together every time I read your blog. Today's was too much. My sweet Christian. I am praying for each of you every day. If you all could only comprehend how much you are loved and prayed for and thought about, you'd be amazed. I realize Nicole won't remember me at this stage, but please give her, Christian and John my love, as well as a significant portion for you. Love, Robin May

ronh said...

Mr and Mrs.Carlston. I know you don't know me but I was a very good friend of Nicole's at COMCARE.I was a consumer of services before I was staff. I didn't become until after she left services. During the 2 years I was with her she made great strides in her recovery. I really saw how much she improved in her reading skills among other things. I have told all the staff about her accident and she will be in their prayers. I will be praying for her daily and for the Lord to give your family strenght also. Again I am very sorry this had to happen, but I believe she is a fighter and with Gods help and her determination she will win.Nicole's friend for-ever



Ronald Heath

Certified Peer Support Specialist

COMCARE

John said...

We love you guys and are praying for your family. Thank you for keeping us informed.

Angi said...

Thank you to all who read our blog and are praying for us. We pray for all of you as well as you also deal with this.

Mom said...

Sincere love and heartfelt wishes to you and John and Christian from the Weeks family! I found out just before Girls Camp last week about Nicole and my heart just aches for her and for your family. I've tried to comment on your blog a few times but couldn't get my password to work. Please know you have been in our daily thoughts and prayers! Nicole has always been a favorite of ours,expecially since she and our Nicole bonded many years ago. Such a special girl and always so friendly and happy and full of hugs! The tender thoughts and words you are sharing daily with all of us is truly a beautiful gift, not only to all who love and care about your family, but to Nicole. May Heaven's blessings and continual peace and comfort be yours.We are close by in Taylorsville & you are welcome anytime to come and crash, rather than drive all the way back to Lehi. Love you so much!

Dianne Weeks said...

I decided I'd better change my name from "Mom" to Dianne Weeks so you would know who sent that last comment:) Glen sends his love too, as do all of our family!