Have I ever told you. "I love being a mother!"
I wasn't sure I wanted to be a mother to begin with. Oh sure, as I was growing up I thought, "I will get married, have kids, buy a house and live happily ever after."
When I first was pregnant with Christian I was like ,"Woo-hoo We're pregnant!" Then it all set in. "I AM PREGNANT! What was I thinking?" Soon after that thought many other thoughts came. 'We are going to have a little you and a little me running around.' and 'Man, We are so lucky.'
First of all, we didn't have insurance so we didn't get all the fancy ultra sounds and stuff. We heard Christian's heart beating with a steth-o-scope. Our doctor was amazing. Each month we made a list of questions. When the doctor came in, he sat down and acted like he had all the time in the world for us. Like he didn't have anyone else waiting. Every Question was answered.
During that time Heavenly Father taught me powerful lessens. He taught me how to trust in Him. I was 20 years old, what could I possible know about having a child and raising it. Each day I would pray and ponder what kind of mother I would be. What ideas and strengths we could instill in this sweet spirit He had been entrusted us to bring into this world.
One night I had a dream. I dreamed we had a daughter. I was happy in this dream. The dream seemed to go on forever. Each part of the dream took a little turn. She was perfect, 10 little toes and ten little fingers. I saw her grow and play. I saw her blond hair and blue eyes and I knew she was ours. But then, I knew more than I saw that she was having struggles. I felt it but I also saw other kids looking at her but not wanting to play with her. I saw adults walking by and doing the same. I was troubled.
I woke up crying and told John I had a dream about our daughter. I described the dream and told him I was sure we were having a girl but was distraught over the dream. John offered me a blessing which I readily took him up on. Heavenly Father told me she had a very special spirit and was being saved for later. She would have difficult times but we would be there for her. We would find it a blessing to have her in our family. Next, He blessed me that the child I was carrying was perfect. He was a gift. He would make us smile and laugh. He was loving and kind. He would be a protector. He was gentle. He was being sent first to help us.
"I guess we are having a boy", I told John afterwords.
Christian was born. He was perfect. He too had ten little toes and ten little fingers. Tons of blond hair. He never cried when he was born. Our doctor didn't believe in slapping the babies bottom. He just rubbed his back and Christian started to breath and pinked right up. John took his shirt off straight away and held Christian to his bare chest. He laid down with a blanket over them for a long time. What a bonding experience that was for both of them.
As Christian grew the words of our Heavenly Father never were so true to me. Christian is gentle, kind, makes us laugh, loving and he was a protector of his sister. Yes, he is a gift.
When Nicole was born she started off life right form the beginning struggling. Her birth was difficult, her early months were difficult and as she grew more difficulties came to light. But we knew she was a gift too. Even though things were hard we believed we would be able to get through anything as long as we kept close to the Lord for he was directing our paths.
My favorite scripture, Prov 3:5, started to come to light in this time of my life. I actually didn't know it was my favorite but as my life continued on the path that scripture continued to run in my head. I had to have trust if I was going to learn, grow, raise my children and know what was best for them.
Some people, who catch a glimpse of our lives, maybe through church, school or community, may wonder why we do things the way we do. What are we thinking? Sometimes we didn't know what we were doing but relying on the Lord we always received answers.
I have learned a lot being a mother of two extremely different children.
1. Trust in Heavenly Father first.
2. Love is the key.
3. No matter what, don't give up.
4. Take each moment, slow down, live it.
5. Just because it because it looks like a duck doesn't mean it is one.
6. Be still. Pray each day.
7. This isn't the worst thing that can happen.
8. Each day is a gift.
9. Knowing who we are is half the battle.
This and more are the reasons I love being a mother. I have been blessed with two beautiful children. They are both very different yet come from the same. I love the good and the bad. The bad gives me strength and hope for better times. The good is salve for the bad. The good out weighs the bad. The love, hugs, kisses, homemade cards, playing together, snuggling, a smile, a laugh, cooking together, being still together. All this makes all worth everything.