Day 96

Do you ever wonder if you are doing enough? Enough teaching, enough loving, enough serving, enough worrying, enough caring, enough giving? I don't know if I am doing enough. How do we know? Is there a chart? A gage? Many times I look inside myself and I wonder, "What more can I do?" I hope that I am doing all that I can for my family, my friends, those I come in contact with. Myself.

Sweet Nicole made a huge milestone today. She was able to shower using a shower chair and not have to be on the shower table. WOW! That is huge. I bet she is starting to feel empowered. Sad was I when she told me that occurred and I was not there to witness it. I am missing out on milestones with her not being allowed in for long visitations. I feel like an absent parent missing a child's first words, first steps.

How, do we as a society, get cut off from our children by just a doctors say so? How is it that they have so much power over us? Why is it that what medical doctors say we do? Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there is a place for medical doctors but I also believe that we have something inside of us that knows what is best for us and or our children. We as mothers, if we listen to our gut, know.

I am grateful for the knowledge the doctors have and the skill to do what they have done for Nicole. I know with out that God given knowledge Nicole wouldn't be here. I am grateful for the amazing things God has given this world to make our lives better.

We took Easy-Mac to the hospital last night. Nicole was elated. She loves Mac and Cheese. Easy-Mac is easy to eat because it is slick. It went down without a hitch. She also had some tapioca. What a cute smile that was on her face after she had that treat.

John noticed that Nicole's oxygen level was down while she was eating, then when she thought of having tapioca it jumped 10 points. We started wondering how thoughts effected your oxygen. That would be a great thesis.

Nicole was making eyes at John last night trying to get him to laugh. It was so cute to see her being that way with her dad. They both were laughing. I love seeing that interaction.