Day 112

Today I witnessed first hand what I am missing by not being at the hospital whenever I want. When I arrived at noon Nicole was crying. She look as though she had been crying for at least 15 minutes. Probably longer. Her pain was not under control. The nurse had given her Oxycodone before I got there and when I got there I asked for something more. She brought Tylenol. What?! You think that will do the trick? I don't think so. I asked her to ask the Doctor for morphine or something for break through pain. She finally came back 30 minutes later with morphine. I was happy for that but it was short lived. It only lasted about 40 minutes before the pain came back full force.

I can't believe that the Doctor doesn't have her on something to keep the pain under control without having to ask him each time. After the morphine wasn't working she cried for another 45-60 minutes before they brought something else in. The only thing I could do was hold her hand. There was not any place I could touch her to try to soothe her because the pain from the donor sites and graph sites was too intense.

If I was there each day all day I would be able to keep on top of this. As it was 2pm came and they wanted me to leave. I told them I wasn't leaving until the pain was under control. That was not received well but I was not budging. Pain under control at 2:55pm

I feel so in the dark. When I call and ask how things are going and how she is doing I am under the impression the staff is side stepping all the info and just telling me a minuscule amount of information. I am beginning to hate this place. I know the staff is under orders but we are talking the life of Nicole here. If they don't give it to me straight I can't advocate for her. I see now, That is what they are trying to do. Keep me from being her advocate.

I know God is there to help us all. I know he will help us through this and We will be better for it.