Sunday, October 25, 2009

Day 115

Today, after church, I fell in prayer of thanksgiving and gratitude. Many times in my life I have wondered, 'Why me?' Why me for lots of things. For contracting MS as a young adult, for not finishing college, for having a child born to us with multiple challenges, for, for, for....

Don't get me wrong, I have not been bitter or disappointed by the things that have come our way. I have had many joyous occasions.

The birth of a very healthy child who was joyful the minute he was born. The sealing of John and I together for time and all eternity. The memories I have of all the camping trips, friends we have made along the way and opportunities we have had come our way.

But today I am grateful for one more day with Christian and Nicole. I am grateful that at this point what Christian is dealing with is looking like it will be manageable. I am grateful that he is here for me and I for him. I don't always know what is going on in his head but I love to watch him. He is a lot like his dad. What he thinks you can practically see the gears turning in his head. I wish I could see in there. I bet it would be like a car fix-it place. Tools laying around, Christian looking for the right one. Boy, I love him.

When he was small he would wash his bike. Run the hose over it and wipe it down. Now we are talking maybe age 2-3. He didn't want help, not that a bike that size needed much but he was so particular and methodical when he did that. If Nicole would get in the way he would ever so slightly move the hose so it would drench her and she would move away.

Each day I awaken and the phone hasn't rung in the night I know that for at least right now Nicole is with us. I don't know why some people get more trials. I don't know why some people are born the way they are or why there brains work the way they do. But I do know Nicole is one person that has a hard time giving up. There have been times the past few months when she could have given up and no one would have blamed her. I don't know if I could have that much fight. But I was grateful to see her today when I went to the unit and saw her smiling face. I was grateful she didn't give up today.

I know God have given her some tough things to overcome. We all have tough things. Each one of us. I know we can get through this and you can get through your tough things. We all need to know, kindness goes along way, so does service. When we are kind and/or do service for others then others know we love them and that helps us and them through.

My hope today is to touch one person.

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