Tonight John and I hosted a surprise birthday party for John's brother, Richard. He turned 50 today. What a wonderful time we had. Food, dessert and fun for all. Before the end of the night we sat around recalling wonderful memories of us and Richard. There sure were some great ones.
When everyone went their separate ways, I began reliving this past year. A year ago tonight we were celebrating with our little family and recalling our own family memories. We call it 'I remember when game'. We play it often which helps our children remember events of long ago.
As we recall this years events many things we look upon fondly.
1. Many trips to Dallas to hang out with our good friends Kimberly and Nick. Long nights sitting by the fire, (real wood burning), talking till the wee hours. Learning new things, sharing ideas and dreams.
2. Family reunion at the Rockin' R Ranch. This was our 13th one. We get together every other year for good times and making memories.
3. Traveling back and forth, Kansas to Utah. Many people would hate the long drive but I actually don't mind it. It gives John and I the chance to be together uninterrupted.
4. See our friends, Karen and Wade, be sealed in the Mt. Timpanogus Temple. What a joy that brought to me.
5. Visiting my sister Dawn and her family in Washington. Can you say 'vacation'. When we get together there is always so much laughing, visiting, shopping, cooking and just plan old good times.
6. Our amazing Alaska Cruise. John and myself along with my parents. Now that was a vacation. There were so many sights to see and fun things to do and see. I would love to do that one again.
Our year has also been hit with life changing events.
1. We moved out of our home in Wichita that we lived in for 10 years. Many memories we have made in our home.
2. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, again.
3. Christian's health has always been great until Oct when he started having unexplained syncope episodes. We hope this year the doctors will be able to get a handle on this.
4. Nicole's event has changed our lives forever. On July 4th, Nicole was burned in a fire at our home in Lehi. For 140 days she was in ICU at the University of Utah Hospital. The first 45 days she was in a medically induced coma teetering on the brink of life and death. The next 55 days awake yet not totally with the program most of the time. Still not out of the woods. Being by her side every day, hoping and pray for Gods will to be known.
This year has been a growing one. Good and bad. Our faith has been tested. Our strength zapped. Our relationships strengthened. For the journey we have traveled this year we are certainly blessed beyond measure. Blessed to have many friends in our corner, blessed to be strengthened by the gospel of Jesus Christ. Blessed by our loving families.
Nothing anyone can say or do can change our year. We wouldn't have it any other way anyway. What lessons we have learned this year cannot be replaced. I am not the same person I was 6 months ago.
I hope I am a better person for it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Day 183
I see her cute face smiling through brave tears. So many times since Nicole has been home she has put on a brave face. Not knowing sometimes if her day will be a good one or bad. Wanting all days to be good but it is a day to day sometimes minute by minute schedule.
Today is one of the minute by minute days. It actually started 2 nights ago. So many things going on at once. Skin pain, head pain, stomach aches, nausea just to name a few.
I know this journey is hard on her, hard on all of us. She is very kind and respectful of my time and the caring of her. She is so careful to not ask for too much with me telling her that is what mommies are for.
I lay next to her, rub her arm, kiss her forehead and pray. I pray for a good day today. I pray for strength for all of us to endure. Maybe endure isn't the right word. Endure sounds like this is a chore. Serving is a blessing. We are serving one another. Right now I am serving her. Another day she will be serving me and others too.
Today is one of the minute by minute days. It actually started 2 nights ago. So many things going on at once. Skin pain, head pain, stomach aches, nausea just to name a few.
I know this journey is hard on her, hard on all of us. She is very kind and respectful of my time and the caring of her. She is so careful to not ask for too much with me telling her that is what mommies are for.
I lay next to her, rub her arm, kiss her forehead and pray. I pray for a good day today. I pray for strength for all of us to endure. Maybe endure isn't the right word. Endure sounds like this is a chore. Serving is a blessing. We are serving one another. Right now I am serving her. Another day she will be serving me and others too.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Angi vs. Snow Drift
I wish I would have had my camera today when I went out VERY EARLY to go to Wal-Mart.
Snow has been falling from the sky since yesterday. We went out last night and it didn't seem too bad so out I went today braving the elements to get a prescription for Nicole.
I cleaned off the Durango so I would have 4-wheel drive. In I got, strapped my seat belt on and backed out of the drive way. Dawn was making its way to the valley, the temperature only 19 degrees. Around the corner and down the hill I went. Slowly I thought but as I reach the middle of the hill I loose traction. I am picking up speed, faster, I see a house at the bottom of the hill and hope I don't plow right through the front door.
Luckily, just as I near the bottom I am able to turn the wheels and they respond. The Durango turns sideways and promptly lands up on the sidewalk, 1 foot from a tree, buried in a snow drift. AKA: Snow plow regurgitation.
No one is answering our phone at home. I am sure they are all in dreamland where I wish I was at this very moment. 2 men stopped to render help but they realized very soon they were unable to unbury the beast. My next phone call, my wonderful roadside assistance program. To the rescue they came. Quickly too! 20 minutes later I was out of the snow but not on my way. I had blown the front left tire in the process. I cannot catch a break.
I am now running on my spare. Tonight I will purchase new tires for the front and get an alignment. All will be better tomorrow, especially if the snow has stopped.
Snow has been falling from the sky since yesterday. We went out last night and it didn't seem too bad so out I went today braving the elements to get a prescription for Nicole.
I cleaned off the Durango so I would have 4-wheel drive. In I got, strapped my seat belt on and backed out of the drive way. Dawn was making its way to the valley, the temperature only 19 degrees. Around the corner and down the hill I went. Slowly I thought but as I reach the middle of the hill I loose traction. I am picking up speed, faster, I see a house at the bottom of the hill and hope I don't plow right through the front door.
Luckily, just as I near the bottom I am able to turn the wheels and they respond. The Durango turns sideways and promptly lands up on the sidewalk, 1 foot from a tree, buried in a snow drift. AKA: Snow plow regurgitation.
No one is answering our phone at home. I am sure they are all in dreamland where I wish I was at this very moment. 2 men stopped to render help but they realized very soon they were unable to unbury the beast. My next phone call, my wonderful roadside assistance program. To the rescue they came. Quickly too! 20 minutes later I was out of the snow but not on my way. I had blown the front left tire in the process. I cannot catch a break.
I am now running on my spare. Tonight I will purchase new tires for the front and get an alignment. All will be better tomorrow, especially if the snow has stopped.
Day 182
When I was a child I wondered what kind of mother I would be or even if I would be blessed to be one at all. I mothered children in out little neighborhood. If someone fell down and I was around I would race to them to see if they were OK. I would walk them home and hold their hand while they were cleaned up and sent on their way.
I learned many things from mothers in our neighborhood including my own mother. I learned compassion, love, diligence and service. I also learned what I didn't want to be. Some mothers just brushed their children off, or sometimes they were snobby to other people in the neighborhood family. I wanted to be welcoming, loving and serving.
I wanted our children to know they could bring anyone home and they would be part of the family. A few days ago I realized that was a reality. A friend of Christians facebooked me. He told me of all the wonderful memories he had being in our home. How welcoming we always were. How much love he felt in our home and toward him. Now that is a reward.
Now as an adult of adult children I wonder what kind of influence I have been in their lives. I ponder today how they have been touched. How many lessons they learned and will carry on in the future. How their upbringing will mold their children. My hope is for each of my children is they will love without measure. They will look to the inside of a person and really see who they are and love that person.
My hope for each person is the same. Love one another, lift their burdens even if it is with a smile or a wave. You will be surprised what greatness you will be part of.
I learned many things from mothers in our neighborhood including my own mother. I learned compassion, love, diligence and service. I also learned what I didn't want to be. Some mothers just brushed their children off, or sometimes they were snobby to other people in the neighborhood family. I wanted to be welcoming, loving and serving.
I wanted our children to know they could bring anyone home and they would be part of the family. A few days ago I realized that was a reality. A friend of Christians facebooked me. He told me of all the wonderful memories he had being in our home. How welcoming we always were. How much love he felt in our home and toward him. Now that is a reward.
Now as an adult of adult children I wonder what kind of influence I have been in their lives. I ponder today how they have been touched. How many lessons they learned and will carry on in the future. How their upbringing will mold their children. My hope is for each of my children is they will love without measure. They will look to the inside of a person and really see who they are and love that person.
My hope for each person is the same. Love one another, lift their burdens even if it is with a smile or a wave. You will be surprised what greatness you will be part of.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Day 181
Snuggling in bed this morning, feeling Nicole breathing softly, I am whisked back to the first day of this new journey we are on. John and I walked in to her room, her new home for the next 140 days. I went to her like any mother would. I peer through weeping eyes at someone I don't recognize but I feel her spirit one with mine.
I stroke her head much like I am doing now. Soft, smooth, gentle. Knowing I cannot lay close but wanting to do that very thing. Nothing more would bring such happiness as to lay close and breath in her fragrance.
Today, I feel that happiness. Not only can I stroke her soft head but I can snuggle close. I can touch not only hear hair or her feet but also her face, her back, her arms, her legs.
Remembering the first days of her life, caressing each tiny part of her. Wondering what she will be like as she grows. Wondering what new and adventurous things she will bring into our lives. The added smiles, hugs and kisses. The playfulness I knew she would have just like her brother.
What a blessing kids are. Could you ask for anything better?
I stroke her head much like I am doing now. Soft, smooth, gentle. Knowing I cannot lay close but wanting to do that very thing. Nothing more would bring such happiness as to lay close and breath in her fragrance.
Today, I feel that happiness. Not only can I stroke her soft head but I can snuggle close. I can touch not only hear hair or her feet but also her face, her back, her arms, her legs.
Remembering the first days of her life, caressing each tiny part of her. Wondering what she will be like as she grows. Wondering what new and adventurous things she will bring into our lives. The added smiles, hugs and kisses. The playfulness I knew she would have just like her brother.
What a blessing kids are. Could you ask for anything better?
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Day 175
I can't believe so many days has gotten away from me. The days before the holidays seem to just fly by. Busily getting ready for Christmas without John here has been a task but one I believe I attended to quite nicely. Putting the last touches on our home and wrapping the gifts. I love to watch the presents grow around the fireplace, glittering in the twinkling lights of the tree.
This year Christian chose 3 families to help out this season. One, the father is in Iraq. That one is special to him because he knows the family. He actually had Jon Schmidt dedicate a song to him, that he wrote. Christian captured Jon playing the song on video which he sent to him in Iraq. The song is about the soldiers and what they do for us. It was awesome. Christian is very generous. If he can help a situation he will. He doesn't like to see others go with out when he has so much. I think he would give the shirt off his back sometimes.
Nicole and I have been busy with her PT. She is coming along quite well. She is making great strides in mobility and strength. She opened her first bottle of Gatorade yesterday. RED LETTER DAY for her. Each new thing she accomplishes is just like watching a toddler doing something for the first time. We do a lot of high fives. I record her smile in my mind to keep forever.
Tonight, We went to John's sister Anne's home for 'Little Christmas Eve'. We call it that because each family has grown so much and they have established many traditions of their own on Christmas Eve, yet they still want to do the regular traditions of their youth. Reenacting the Nativity is a highlight. Food is never far away also. John's family is very close, especially the sisters.
Not long after arriving I actually had to leave to catch a plane to Denver to meet up with John and finish the drive to UT together. I don't mind the drive and I love to be able to spend that extra time with John just one on one.
The roads in Kansas and Colorado are very bad. For a while the 70 was closed and the 80 also. I am siting at the airport currently waiting for him to arrive. When I talked to him an hour ago he was still 4 hours away. He said the roads were very icy and lots of drifting snow. Waiting in the Denver airport seems to be my M O. I have been stranded here a few times. I guess I am not actually stranded just waiting with many other people who can't get out because their destinations are closed. At least I know my ride will be here sooner than later.
As I sit here listening to the Christmas music echoing in the deserted corridors, my mind turns to the movie, The Terminal. I can't imagine that guy living in the airport. Not only having to eat airport food but the loneliness of this place. Cold, uninviting, noisy. I am grateful for a warm home that is inviting, a family who loves me and I love them, food that is as welcoming as the sun rising over Timpanogus and the gospel that keeps me grounded.
This year Christian chose 3 families to help out this season. One, the father is in Iraq. That one is special to him because he knows the family. He actually had Jon Schmidt dedicate a song to him, that he wrote. Christian captured Jon playing the song on video which he sent to him in Iraq. The song is about the soldiers and what they do for us. It was awesome. Christian is very generous. If he can help a situation he will. He doesn't like to see others go with out when he has so much. I think he would give the shirt off his back sometimes.
Nicole and I have been busy with her PT. She is coming along quite well. She is making great strides in mobility and strength. She opened her first bottle of Gatorade yesterday. RED LETTER DAY for her. Each new thing she accomplishes is just like watching a toddler doing something for the first time. We do a lot of high fives. I record her smile in my mind to keep forever.
Tonight, We went to John's sister Anne's home for 'Little Christmas Eve'. We call it that because each family has grown so much and they have established many traditions of their own on Christmas Eve, yet they still want to do the regular traditions of their youth. Reenacting the Nativity is a highlight. Food is never far away also. John's family is very close, especially the sisters.
Not long after arriving I actually had to leave to catch a plane to Denver to meet up with John and finish the drive to UT together. I don't mind the drive and I love to be able to spend that extra time with John just one on one.
The roads in Kansas and Colorado are very bad. For a while the 70 was closed and the 80 also. I am siting at the airport currently waiting for him to arrive. When I talked to him an hour ago he was still 4 hours away. He said the roads were very icy and lots of drifting snow. Waiting in the Denver airport seems to be my M O. I have been stranded here a few times. I guess I am not actually stranded just waiting with many other people who can't get out because their destinations are closed. At least I know my ride will be here sooner than later.
As I sit here listening to the Christmas music echoing in the deserted corridors, my mind turns to the movie, The Terminal. I can't imagine that guy living in the airport. Not only having to eat airport food but the loneliness of this place. Cold, uninviting, noisy. I am grateful for a warm home that is inviting, a family who loves me and I love them, food that is as welcoming as the sun rising over Timpanogus and the gospel that keeps me grounded.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Day 171
Yesterday, Nicole and I had a date. She is making some Christmas gifts. She loves to paint at Color Me Mine. If you haven't been and even if you are not creative, you should go. Sometimes you just need an outlet to relieve stress. This is the place.
This place is amazing. You choose a piece of ceramic to paint, then get to work. No is there to tell you you should do it this way or that. You just create. When you are done your piece is glazed and put in the kiln. A few days later it is ready for pick up.
I love to watch parents bring in really little kids. They paint stuff this way and that but it is their creation. Then to see their faces when it is picked up it priceless.
Check out some of our work from a previous paint date.
This place is amazing. You choose a piece of ceramic to paint, then get to work. No is there to tell you you should do it this way or that. You just create. When you are done your piece is glazed and put in the kiln. A few days later it is ready for pick up.
I love to watch parents bring in really little kids. They paint stuff this way and that but it is their creation. Then to see their faces when it is picked up it priceless.
Check out some of our work from a previous paint date.
Friday, December 18, 2009
I LOVE MY SMILE
Nicole received her pressure garment yesterday. This one is the redesigned one. As we were getting her ready today she looked in the mirror and smiled this huge smile. She said, "I love my smile!". I had to capture this moment.
4 little words are so musical. The sound floated through the air. They were almost as good as 'Mommy".
Thursday, December 17, 2009
DAY 169
Baking day is today. I love baking day. Actually, I love Christmas baking. My friend, Suzie, came from Ogden today to bake with me. When she lived in KS we baked at Christmas time together. She brought her sweet new baby girl with her so cuddles where given liberally.
We made Snicker Doodles, Fudge, Toffee, Pineapple Cookies and Kool-aide Fudge. Last night Christian made pumpkin bread. Our home feels and smells like Christmas. Natalie also stopped by for some needed rest as well as goodies to take home with her. She sure knew a great day to stop by.
Nicole has had a hard day. She had some tests done a few days ago which came back positive for a nasty bacteria. It looks like that is why she had been loosing so much weight, not feeling good and just being sick all around. Her Dr. called in a Rx for her. Hopefully it will kick in soon so she will be on the mend.
I can't believe it is only 8 days until Christmas and only 6 days until I see John.
As the days weeks and months go by it is getting harder to be away from him. Even though we speak a few times in the day it is not the same. When I go to bed I would think it wouldn't be much different because I always went to bed before John did but it is mostly hard because I know I will be waking up alone again. But I know time and distance is but a small thing at this time. It is a blip on the screen of eternity.
Each day he makes me feel as though I am the only one. When we talk on the phone each morning (5:30am in UT) it is a great start to my day. When we talk at night, about how our day went, all the new things going on, he makes sure I know I am the most important thing in the world to him. I hope I make him feel the same way.
We made Snicker Doodles, Fudge, Toffee, Pineapple Cookies and Kool-aide Fudge. Last night Christian made pumpkin bread. Our home feels and smells like Christmas. Natalie also stopped by for some needed rest as well as goodies to take home with her. She sure knew a great day to stop by.
Nicole has had a hard day. She had some tests done a few days ago which came back positive for a nasty bacteria. It looks like that is why she had been loosing so much weight, not feeling good and just being sick all around. Her Dr. called in a Rx for her. Hopefully it will kick in soon so she will be on the mend.
I can't believe it is only 8 days until Christmas and only 6 days until I see John.
As the days weeks and months go by it is getting harder to be away from him. Even though we speak a few times in the day it is not the same. When I go to bed I would think it wouldn't be much different because I always went to bed before John did but it is mostly hard because I know I will be waking up alone again. But I know time and distance is but a small thing at this time. It is a blip on the screen of eternity.
Each day he makes me feel as though I am the only one. When we talk on the phone each morning (5:30am in UT) it is a great start to my day. When we talk at night, about how our day went, all the new things going on, he makes sure I know I am the most important thing in the world to him. I hope I make him feel the same way.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
DAY 168
With so many Christmas activities I find it hard to find a minute to update everyone on the amazing things we are doing and the progress of Nicole.
Fist of all Nicole is making huge strides. She is gaining more and more mobility in her left arm and elbow. I can't believe how much things have changed in the last month. Nicole can mostly dress herself and she can do her entire shower which includes unwrapping herself. Happy was the day when that happened. Not that it is a burden but that is 20 minutes of freed up time.
Today her 2nd vest came in and it was a great fit. She was also fitted for a face pressure garment. The scars on her face are thickening more and more. It is needed to help reduce them and / or keep them from getting bigger.
My list of things that need to get done WAS complete until Nicole came home and add some more to the list. I have been doing my best to get things done for her for Christmas. She is very crafty and this year she wanted to do a crafty thing for her cousins that are her age. Which of course means I have to be involved.
Baking was postponed until tomorrow. I am kind of glad because yesterday a lot was going on. Baking is my favorite day before Christmas. Tomorrow you will see why.
Christmas is in high gear in our home. Spirits are high and LOVE and JOY are being spread. I can't believe it is only 9 days until Christmas. The magic will be gone all too soon.
Fist of all Nicole is making huge strides. She is gaining more and more mobility in her left arm and elbow. I can't believe how much things have changed in the last month. Nicole can mostly dress herself and she can do her entire shower which includes unwrapping herself. Happy was the day when that happened. Not that it is a burden but that is 20 minutes of freed up time.
Today her 2nd vest came in and it was a great fit. She was also fitted for a face pressure garment. The scars on her face are thickening more and more. It is needed to help reduce them and / or keep them from getting bigger.
My list of things that need to get done WAS complete until Nicole came home and add some more to the list. I have been doing my best to get things done for her for Christmas. She is very crafty and this year she wanted to do a crafty thing for her cousins that are her age. Which of course means I have to be involved.
Baking was postponed until tomorrow. I am kind of glad because yesterday a lot was going on. Baking is my favorite day before Christmas. Tomorrow you will see why.
Christmas is in high gear in our home. Spirits are high and LOVE and JOY are being spread. I can't believe it is only 9 days until Christmas. The magic will be gone all too soon.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 165
I had a break down yesterday. I felt as if the mountain was too high to climb. So many things were bogging me down. I even grumped at John last night. Christian tried to make things better by inviting me out for a while. I was grateful to get out into the world for a few hours but when I came home the bog was still there. John started texting me to grump back but when he found out why I was acting that way he got after me for not enlightening him as to what was really happening. It is hard to unload my woes to him when he is trying so hard to hold it together from afar. I did feel better after my long cry on his distant shoulder. We prayed together for a better day and said good night.
I love Sundays. I especially love to go to church. Being there renews my spirit for the week. Today I woke to the eerie sound of the snowplow growling up the street. My heart sunk. All the snow blowing yesterday was for nothing. I looked out the window and saw an 18 inch wall of snow blocking my driveway. How am I going to get out today. My snow blower only eats 5 inches at a times. As I am shoveling my steps and walk I find the snow is laden with water. I am not sure I will be able to get us out in time for church.
When I return to our cozy home I resign myself to knowing I will not be attending church today. I turn on 100.3. Beautiful sounds stream through my home. Christian music soothes my soul.
Nicole and I made Chex mix and we along with Christian wrapped some Christmas presents. With the soft glow of the Christmas tree and the fire burning, the Christmas spirit filled the air. My attitude is better today. I am sure it is because it is Sunday. There is no room for a bad attitude on Sunday.
I was contemplating how I was going to get our driveway unplugged. How to get it done with a good attitude and today so I can take Nicole to her appointments tomorrow. I took the garbage outside and to my utter surprise my drive way was already cleared. Across the street there were men clearing the drive way there too. I was so happy and grateful for the service I have again received. Thank you to all who helped. I am not sure all who were there but I do know my home teacher, Tom was. Thank you.
Our friend Shelley came by tonight on her way home from Idaho. So good to see her. She spent quite a while visiting with Nicole. It raised Nicole's spirits. We love having old and new friends stop by. Thank you for your time.
I love Sundays. I especially love to go to church. Being there renews my spirit for the week. Today I woke to the eerie sound of the snowplow growling up the street. My heart sunk. All the snow blowing yesterday was for nothing. I looked out the window and saw an 18 inch wall of snow blocking my driveway. How am I going to get out today. My snow blower only eats 5 inches at a times. As I am shoveling my steps and walk I find the snow is laden with water. I am not sure I will be able to get us out in time for church.
When I return to our cozy home I resign myself to knowing I will not be attending church today. I turn on 100.3. Beautiful sounds stream through my home. Christian music soothes my soul.
Nicole and I made Chex mix and we along with Christian wrapped some Christmas presents. With the soft glow of the Christmas tree and the fire burning, the Christmas spirit filled the air. My attitude is better today. I am sure it is because it is Sunday. There is no room for a bad attitude on Sunday.
I was contemplating how I was going to get our driveway unplugged. How to get it done with a good attitude and today so I can take Nicole to her appointments tomorrow. I took the garbage outside and to my utter surprise my drive way was already cleared. Across the street there were men clearing the drive way there too. I was so happy and grateful for the service I have again received. Thank you to all who helped. I am not sure all who were there but I do know my home teacher, Tom was. Thank you.
Our friend Shelley came by tonight on her way home from Idaho. So good to see her. She spent quite a while visiting with Nicole. It raised Nicole's spirits. We love having old and new friends stop by. Thank you for your time.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Gratefulness
As I was snow blowing the driveway I was contemplating all the things I am grateful for. The list is growing longer and longer.
At times when I am alone and it is dark outside I just want to reach over and lay my arm on John's warm body. I realize at this time of my life that is not possible as often as I wish and then I thank God that I may not have him at that moment but he is mine in this life and in the next. He is in a warn bed 1000 miles away and in a few days or weeks we will see each other again.
I am grateful that my children are able to share time with me. They both may not be as healthy as they want at this time but I can talk with them, laugh with them, steal a hug, see a smile be warmed by their lives.
What great joy children bring to me. Through trials, heart ache, vacations, tears of joy and sorrow the joy is there each and every day.
I am not one to want to do yard work or shovel snow but I am grateful I can do those things. I have a strong and healthy body. I am able to do many things. I am a fighter. God knew me well when he sent me here to earth with a strong will and and a mind of my own. He knew I would need it. He knew there would be many times in my life when I would have to stand on my own two feet. He made me strong.
I am grateful for our neighbors and friends. I am grateful for friendly smiles, waves and nods as you drive by. It warms the heart to know there are those around us that care, that know you exist. I am grateful when I see a neighbor helping another neighbor.
I am grateful for sister-in-laws who get online and IM me, listen to my woes and love me anyway.
I am grateful for little things. Mini candy canes at the bank, free Cafe Rio, marzipan, birds foraging in the bushes, the smell of home made bread.
Life is good!
At times when I am alone and it is dark outside I just want to reach over and lay my arm on John's warm body. I realize at this time of my life that is not possible as often as I wish and then I thank God that I may not have him at that moment but he is mine in this life and in the next. He is in a warn bed 1000 miles away and in a few days or weeks we will see each other again.
I am grateful that my children are able to share time with me. They both may not be as healthy as they want at this time but I can talk with them, laugh with them, steal a hug, see a smile be warmed by their lives.
What great joy children bring to me. Through trials, heart ache, vacations, tears of joy and sorrow the joy is there each and every day.
I am not one to want to do yard work or shovel snow but I am grateful I can do those things. I have a strong and healthy body. I am able to do many things. I am a fighter. God knew me well when he sent me here to earth with a strong will and and a mind of my own. He knew I would need it. He knew there would be many times in my life when I would have to stand on my own two feet. He made me strong.
I am grateful for our neighbors and friends. I am grateful for friendly smiles, waves and nods as you drive by. It warms the heart to know there are those around us that care, that know you exist. I am grateful when I see a neighbor helping another neighbor.
I am grateful for sister-in-laws who get online and IM me, listen to my woes and love me anyway.
I am grateful for little things. Mini candy canes at the bank, free Cafe Rio, marzipan, birds foraging in the bushes, the smell of home made bread.
Life is good!
My First Born
My first born, a son
Quiet, gentle, strong
His huge paws, his dimpled cheek
His laugh continues on
His growing stature
His quick mind
His loving heart
Of which is kind
Many hours of each day
Watching out for those you love
The seeds of peace planted in your heart
Keeps you close to the one above
He quietly studies those around him
In his knowing way
Watching others make mistakes
Vowing to make the path great
A vet, an architect
a designer, 10 second racer
restaurant owner, baker
rancher, father
All vocations in his head
How do you choose, my son
Contemplating many hours
Knowing the battle will be won
Your life has not been easy
Challenges have found your door
Your spirit has been guided
Your heart has been gently mended
I wish for you, my son, each day
Your life be one filled with true happiness
To accomplish many great things in life
The ones you dream about, breathless
You are my hopes and dreams
You are my shining star
You are every breath I take
You, my son, are loved
Quiet, gentle, strong
His huge paws, his dimpled cheek
His laugh continues on
His growing stature
His quick mind
His loving heart
Of which is kind
Many hours of each day
Watching out for those you love
The seeds of peace planted in your heart
Keeps you close to the one above
He quietly studies those around him
In his knowing way
Watching others make mistakes
Vowing to make the path great
A vet, an architect
a designer, 10 second racer
restaurant owner, baker
rancher, father
All vocations in his head
How do you choose, my son
Contemplating many hours
Knowing the battle will be won
Your life has not been easy
Challenges have found your door
Your spirit has been guided
Your heart has been gently mended
I wish for you, my son, each day
Your life be one filled with true happiness
To accomplish many great things in life
The ones you dream about, breathless
You are my hopes and dreams
You are my shining star
You are every breath I take
You, my son, are loved
Day 164
With Nicole home I find it difficult to blog each day. Many things need to be done to attend to her needs as well and all the other things needed to take care of a household.
Usually the morning routine is the same, wound care, PT, stretching, laundry (you would not believe the amount of laundry I do each day). Currently there are many things that interrupt my day. Christmas activities, trying to find needed things in the boxes that have not been unpacked. Although I don't know what I need until the second I need it.
I am gathering my recipes together for our annual holiday baking. Our friend Suzie is coming to bake with me. Snicker doodles, pumpkin bread, pineapple cookies, fudge, toffee, chocolate pretzels, spiced nuts. Who could asked for more? My usual helper (Nicole) will be mostly watching this year. I am glad for her company though. Christian will be helping to. He loves to bake as do I.
It is beautiful out today. A few inches of very dry snow found its way to my yard. I left early to grocery shop so I could stay in the rest of the day. except of course snow blowing the drive way. Then it will be hot cocoa with these darling snowmen marshmallows.
We did find out that Christian's heart is randomly stopping. He is having other tests this week. He is a new project for the doctor. I hope he is a good project manager. One who will get the job done. At least we are not at a stand still.
Usually the morning routine is the same, wound care, PT, stretching, laundry (you would not believe the amount of laundry I do each day). Currently there are many things that interrupt my day. Christmas activities, trying to find needed things in the boxes that have not been unpacked. Although I don't know what I need until the second I need it.
I am gathering my recipes together for our annual holiday baking. Our friend Suzie is coming to bake with me. Snicker doodles, pumpkin bread, pineapple cookies, fudge, toffee, chocolate pretzels, spiced nuts. Who could asked for more? My usual helper (Nicole) will be mostly watching this year. I am glad for her company though. Christian will be helping to. He loves to bake as do I.
It is beautiful out today. A few inches of very dry snow found its way to my yard. I left early to grocery shop so I could stay in the rest of the day. except of course snow blowing the drive way. Then it will be hot cocoa with these darling snowmen marshmallows.
We did find out that Christian's heart is randomly stopping. He is having other tests this week. He is a new project for the doctor. I hope he is a good project manager. One who will get the job done. At least we are not at a stand still.
New Fallen Snow
Time stands still. Crystals swirling, swirling, descending. Watching silent currents carry tiny crystals a myriad of directions. Street lamps illuminating their prisms bending their light into flickering dances. Blanketing the earth with a cool drink of water. No sound it makes. Leaving its gift behind. Beauty, magnificent, joy.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Day 160
Today, Nicole and I were in Wal-Mart. She was rifing one of the electric wheelchairs. I was pushing a cart. She started yelling. I turned around and her left hand was scratching her head. SHe was so excited and so was I. Her left arm has been the one that doesn't bend well and hurts so much. I was amazed. She told me it was just an automatic response to scratch her head. WOW!
PT has paid off.
Wichita had an ice storm over night. Not bad but it made driving a bear. Rrrrr. I needed to get a few errands finished so I had to be out in it. Too cold, too windy, to everything. Then later it started to snow. I can't catch a break.
Jo and Alex accompanied us to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. So good to see them. They have really taken care of John since I have been gone. Many dinner invitations have been extended. Thanks guys. You are loved.
Need to get the last items ready to be able to leave tomorrow. I hope it isn't too bad of weather.
PT has paid off.
Wichita had an ice storm over night. Not bad but it made driving a bear. Rrrrr. I needed to get a few errands finished so I had to be out in it. Too cold, too windy, to everything. Then later it started to snow. I can't catch a break.
Jo and Alex accompanied us to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. So good to see them. They have really taken care of John since I have been gone. Many dinner invitations have been extended. Thanks guys. You are loved.
Need to get the last items ready to be able to leave tomorrow. I hope it isn't too bad of weather.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Day 159
I guess I am not going back to Utah today. Wichita had a small ice storm and there is a winter warning for all of KS, CO, and WY today. I will try to venture out again tomarrow.
Last night we were invited to our 12th reading of "Forgotton Carols" at our friends, Mike and Linda's home. For 13 years, we have gathereed there, with Teresa and Tim (always) and a few others here and there. This year Lisa and Todd joined us. We each bring gooodies to eat as well as hot cocoa or hot cidar. We take turns reading a chapter each. Mike has it all down. He knows exactly when to start the music so the song start right on que.
We love being invited to participate with them each year. What a great way to start the season. Thank you everyone for making my holiday season start out right. It was so good to see everyone and share that spirit with you.
Each day Nicole works hard on her PT to gain more mobility. It is paying off I can tell. Little increments here and there. Int eh long run it will mkae her life better.
Last night we were invited to our 12th reading of "Forgotton Carols" at our friends, Mike and Linda's home. For 13 years, we have gathereed there, with Teresa and Tim (always) and a few others here and there. This year Lisa and Todd joined us. We each bring gooodies to eat as well as hot cocoa or hot cidar. We take turns reading a chapter each. Mike has it all down. He knows exactly when to start the music so the song start right on que.
We love being invited to participate with them each year. What a great way to start the season. Thank you everyone for making my holiday season start out right. It was so good to see everyone and share that spirit with you.
Each day Nicole works hard on her PT to gain more mobility. It is paying off I can tell. Little increments here and there. Int eh long run it will mkae her life better.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Day 158
We are in Wichita. The roads were icy and snowy,so teh drive was slow and laborous. Nicole was such a trooper.
I love to watch the snow drift across the road like a painter swooshing white dusty paint on a canvas. It doesn't make for the best driving conditions, but, the scene is something out of a Christmas card. I half expected to look over and see a sleigh gliding along next to us. No sleigh, although we saw several fox. Beautiful.
Our family is learning many new things. The day to day dealings one with another has changed. Sometimes I think we are cautious, other times it is breathless. It can be calculating, too. I guess we are learning the new family dynamics. No longer are the roles 'normal'. Dad, the bread winner, mom, the homemaker, brother, the jock, sister, the pretty one. Actually we never had those roles. I wish we did sometimes.
Today is another day of the rest of our lives. Each day is a blessing. Eash day is a God send. Each day I wake up and thank God we have another day together. It isn't easy, but what is. I know only that is is worth it.
I love to watch the snow drift across the road like a painter swooshing white dusty paint on a canvas. It doesn't make for the best driving conditions, but, the scene is something out of a Christmas card. I half expected to look over and see a sleigh gliding along next to us. No sleigh, although we saw several fox. Beautiful.
Our family is learning many new things. The day to day dealings one with another has changed. Sometimes I think we are cautious, other times it is breathless. It can be calculating, too. I guess we are learning the new family dynamics. No longer are the roles 'normal'. Dad, the bread winner, mom, the homemaker, brother, the jock, sister, the pretty one. Actually we never had those roles. I wish we did sometimes.
Today is another day of the rest of our lives. Each day is a blessing. Eash day is a God send. Each day I wake up and thank God we have another day together. It isn't easy, but what is. I know only that is is worth it.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Day 156
I can't believe where the time goes. It seems like John comes to town and a minute later he is gone. Actually we are packing right now for the drive tomorrow. I am actually going back with him. And so is Nicole. I am not sure how it will go but I hope it is uneventful. I need to take care of some business in Wichita Monday and will be leaving on Tuesday. I know it is crazy but that is our life. CRAZY.
The last two days have been remarkably well for Nicole. She has really come a long way in the past few days. Her stretching is remarkable. She can even get her self all the way dressed in certain clothes. John and i were so surprised yesterday when she came out of the bedroom all dressed. What a feat for her. Now that is progress. Something I certainly take for granted.
There are always so many things that need to get done right before we the traveling begins. Laundry, cleaning and stuff. Today Nicole and I also needed to make a trip to the U. She needed to get re measured for her vest and we needed to get some more supplies. It is amazing how much stuff we go through. I try to be frugal about it but this is ridiculous.
It snowed a small blizzard on our way there and when we came out there was about an inch or more on the ground. I guess Winter is trying to rear its ugly head. I know it is not my favorite time of the year unless my fridge is stocked and I have power and I don't have to go anywhere. Then and only then I LOVE WINTER.
So much to get done and sleep is calling me even though I can't go to bed until all the packing is done. I guess I best get to work so I can sleep.
The last two days have been remarkably well for Nicole. She has really come a long way in the past few days. Her stretching is remarkable. She can even get her self all the way dressed in certain clothes. John and i were so surprised yesterday when she came out of the bedroom all dressed. What a feat for her. Now that is progress. Something I certainly take for granted.
There are always so many things that need to get done right before we the traveling begins. Laundry, cleaning and stuff. Today Nicole and I also needed to make a trip to the U. She needed to get re measured for her vest and we needed to get some more supplies. It is amazing how much stuff we go through. I try to be frugal about it but this is ridiculous.
It snowed a small blizzard on our way there and when we came out there was about an inch or more on the ground. I guess Winter is trying to rear its ugly head. I know it is not my favorite time of the year unless my fridge is stocked and I have power and I don't have to go anywhere. Then and only then I LOVE WINTER.
So much to get done and sleep is calling me even though I can't go to bed until all the packing is done. I guess I best get to work so I can sleep.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Day 154
Still on a high from last nights Christmas party with Jon Schmidt. I have listened to his music more today. I just love his new CD, 'Bonus Tracks'. Awesome. I tried to upload a video of Jon playing last night but after 2 hours it still wasn't done so I gave up.
Nicole is progressing again. She is working hard to get her left arm to bend more. Each day she works so hard to stretch the skin on the elbow so she will be able to use it more. It is amazing how much we use each joint. Try getting dressed without using your elbow or cooking. Or so many other things. Every joint is important.
Having Nicole home is like having a toddler again. So many things she cannot do for herself. When the kids were very small I was so busy just trying to keep up with the things that needed to be done around the home, laundry, cooking, cleaning, just taking care of the day to day things. I may have to go back to napping when she does to just keep my strength up. Mostly because I am up a few times in the night and then up early.
Tonight, John and I took Nicole to Temple Square to see the lights. We wrapped her up tight with several blankets as well as layers of clothing. We took the wheel chair for her to ride in which not only helped her to be able to enjoy the activity but also help us to enjoy it by her not getting too tired.
We love Temple Square in the winter. The square is magical. The lights are so beautiful. So many man hours it takes to make it all beautiful for everyone else to enjoy. Thank you to all the grounds men who do that for us each year. Do you ever wonder how many hours it takes or how many lights are up.
There are 300,000 lights, 2000 potted poinsettias, 500 poinsettia trees. Most of the poinsettias are in the visitor centers as well as the conference center.
We hope your holiday season is shaping up quite nicely.
Nicole is progressing again. She is working hard to get her left arm to bend more. Each day she works so hard to stretch the skin on the elbow so she will be able to use it more. It is amazing how much we use each joint. Try getting dressed without using your elbow or cooking. Or so many other things. Every joint is important.
Having Nicole home is like having a toddler again. So many things she cannot do for herself. When the kids were very small I was so busy just trying to keep up with the things that needed to be done around the home, laundry, cooking, cleaning, just taking care of the day to day things. I may have to go back to napping when she does to just keep my strength up. Mostly because I am up a few times in the night and then up early.
Tonight, John and I took Nicole to Temple Square to see the lights. We wrapped her up tight with several blankets as well as layers of clothing. We took the wheel chair for her to ride in which not only helped her to be able to enjoy the activity but also help us to enjoy it by her not getting too tired.
We love Temple Square in the winter. The square is magical. The lights are so beautiful. So many man hours it takes to make it all beautiful for everyone else to enjoy. Thank you to all the grounds men who do that for us each year. Do you ever wonder how many hours it takes or how many lights are up.
There are 300,000 lights, 2000 potted poinsettias, 500 poinsettia trees. Most of the poinsettias are in the visitor centers as well as the conference center.
We hope your holiday season is shaping up quite nicely.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Our Christmas Party
Each year, John and I give wonderful nuts to John's family members. It is reminiscent of when John was growing up and his Aunt Dora would give the family See's Candy and Nuts for Christmas. He loved that tradition. A few years ago he decided he would pick up that tradition and carry it on. Although this year no nuts were given.
This year for the Carlston Christmas party we invited, drum roll please, JON SCHMIDT to play for us in a private concert.
What a pleasure he was. So amazing. I can't even tell you what a joy it was to sit 3 feet from him and have him play all my favorite songs and new ones that will be my favorites.
Nicole's favorite is Waterfall. He played it 3 times for her.
He played another song upside down. What a feat!
Jon told us the story of a new song called, "Thank You". It is for all the soldiers. He played it first for the families of troop over seas and dedicated it to them. Tonight Christian asked him to dedicate it on film to his friend serving in Iraq and play it again for him. It was more amazing the second time.
If you have never seen him in concert, I strongly recommend that you do. He is so awesome. So personable, so many fun stories.
Our little niece, Lola, sang a song with him. So stinkin' cute.
We couldn't have had a better night. I hope you enjoy the pictures.
This year for the Carlston Christmas party we invited, drum roll please, JON SCHMIDT to play for us in a private concert.
What a pleasure he was. So amazing. I can't even tell you what a joy it was to sit 3 feet from him and have him play all my favorite songs and new ones that will be my favorites.
Nicole's favorite is Waterfall. He played it 3 times for her.
He played another song upside down. What a feat!
Jon told us the story of a new song called, "Thank You". It is for all the soldiers. He played it first for the families of troop over seas and dedicated it to them. Tonight Christian asked him to dedicate it on film to his friend serving in Iraq and play it again for him. It was more amazing the second time.
If you have never seen him in concert, I strongly recommend that you do. He is so awesome. So personable, so many fun stories.
Our little niece, Lola, sang a song with him. So stinkin' cute.
We couldn't have had a better night. I hope you enjoy the pictures.
Day 153
Today Nicole and I went to the University of Utah today to get supplies. When we got there they surprised us with Nicole's vest, pants and gloves. As far as pressure garments are concerned they are pretty cute. Chocolate brown with lime green stitching. So stinkin' cute.
They are so hard to put on because they are SO tight. I think it took 20-25 minutes to get the vest on and the shirt. But what we found was the vest is too long and the arms are too tight. The pants are about 4 inches too long and the torso is also about 3 inches to tall. Good thing they can be adjusted.
We kept the vest to try it for a few days but after last night for sure it will need to be fixed. The arms were so painful for her. We too tight in the arm holes. We put some foam there to try to help the tightness or at least make it feel better but that didn't help at all.
I am getting worn out. I found myself being snippy yesterday and very snippy and grumpy today. The balancing act isn't working this week. Clinic, PT, wound care, Thanksgiving parties and Christmas parties, decorating, seeing the lights. I am worn out just thinking about it. When John goes back to Kansas things will slow down some I hope. Although I am sure other things will come to the foreground and present itself.
We are going to a Christmas party tonight. Stay tuned for the details. I am so excited.
They are so hard to put on because they are SO tight. I think it took 20-25 minutes to get the vest on and the shirt. But what we found was the vest is too long and the arms are too tight. The pants are about 4 inches too long and the torso is also about 3 inches to tall. Good thing they can be adjusted.
We kept the vest to try it for a few days but after last night for sure it will need to be fixed. The arms were so painful for her. We too tight in the arm holes. We put some foam there to try to help the tightness or at least make it feel better but that didn't help at all.
I am getting worn out. I found myself being snippy yesterday and very snippy and grumpy today. The balancing act isn't working this week. Clinic, PT, wound care, Thanksgiving parties and Christmas parties, decorating, seeing the lights. I am worn out just thinking about it. When John goes back to Kansas things will slow down some I hope. Although I am sure other things will come to the foreground and present itself.
We are going to a Christmas party tonight. Stay tuned for the details. I am so excited.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 152
Today was such a long day. It feels like I haven't been to bed in 2 days. Nicole wakes early and that means I get up early. Night time doesn't come soon enough.
Nicole still isn't feeling tip top. I am not sure what is going on. She is not running a fever but still feels not on the top of the world.
The weeks are long when John is here. Many patients to take care of in clinic as well as all the things he wants to do and see. I love to see the patients when he is here.
This is a tiny post but it reflects my day. Good night.
Nicole still isn't feeling tip top. I am not sure what is going on. She is not running a fever but still feels not on the top of the world.
The weeks are long when John is here. Many patients to take care of in clinic as well as all the things he wants to do and see. I love to see the patients when he is here.
This is a tiny post but it reflects my day. Good night.
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